Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
