do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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