I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Drunk is a universal language darling
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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