New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
