no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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