I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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