so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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