Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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