If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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