WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
