I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
