is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
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Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
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What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?