Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.