just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!