the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
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I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
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Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood