I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.