whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.