Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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