I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?