I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
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