Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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