Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
