I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
