It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
