Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
