I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Randomize
