i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
