"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
