just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
