my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
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