If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
