I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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