idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
