You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
