Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
