I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
