whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
