im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
