Just fell off a train. Bad.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
