Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
