just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
