what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
