question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
