I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
