So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
