: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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