we have pet lesbian snakes
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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