I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
