he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
