he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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