Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
