he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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