Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
