i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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