I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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