Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
