i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
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Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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