things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
