You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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