She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My pussy is not your playground.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
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I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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