Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Houston, we have a squirter
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Damn victory sex feels great
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