I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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