i jhust puked up my retainher.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
17 People Reveal The Reasons Behind Their Foot Fetish
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED