I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
