Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize
