I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
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waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
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Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.