allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Jerry, you need to find god
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...