If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Less talking, more tequila
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Randomize
