Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?