She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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