I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
