Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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