i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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