Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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