So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
