I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
