I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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