he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
