So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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