and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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