Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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